This season of life has not been the most fun. In fact, ever since coming to Christ, it has not been very fun.
The devil just sucks. Now, Jack really doesnt like me a whole lot. He is distant and keeps it that way. I woke up to hang with the LORD this am, and this is what came to me, so I emailed Jack.
You know,
I really didn’t know how stressed things are between us. I am so sorry.
Some things need to change, and it starts with me. I hope it’s not too late.
I totally understand your thoughts on money and all of that. As I said before, I can’t say I would think differently if I were you. So I will try my best to not force you into seeing it differently. I will honor your thoughts and where you are. I have done a very poor job of listening to you.
By the way, it is great that you are budgeting. At 21, who does that? It’s very mature. Impressive.
You are so amazing. You are very talented. I think I believe in you more than you do. And, I am guessing every parent does. I just want to see you do everything in your heart – to believe for big, impossible dreams to come true.
As you continue to understand who you are and who God is, bigger possibilities open up. It’s hard when we don’t want much to do with God. But, that is between you and Him. You have experienced much hardship, and I keep saying how great God is. Trust Him. But when you look around, things don’t line up. There is disconnection. I get that too.
And, it’s your journey. I honor that. It’s not my place to point out deficiencies over and over. Why do we always fixate on what’s wrong? Why do I? I am sorry. People start to think there is something wrong with them if that’s all you talk about. It is my place to help you see things that are stopping the awesome you from shining, but it doesn’t need to be a continual discussion. There is a balance. So, silence isn’t the answer either. There is so much greatness to you. I want the whole world and especially you to see it. I have to learn how to do it better.
It is a bit obvious. Just look at how Jordan wants to hire you. He sees it. That too is impressive and says a lot about you. Look at Amber and how she talks long term. The world sees you. The world likes what it sees.
Specifically, on the poverty mindset, I am done with talking about it. It is not who you are. You are a son and an awesome young man. You know who you are.
In fact, you know more about you than most kids your age. It’s easy to forget that sometimes. So I don’t want to spend so much time highlighting something like poverty that you start thinking it’s all I think about you. It’s not.
Jack. You are amazing. You have no idea how much I love you and look forward to being with you.
I now see how much I hurt you. My phone calls go unreturned. My texts are often ignored. You don’t seem to like me very much. I can’t say I blame you.
I am sorry.
It hurts my heart when I see that you don’t want to be with me. I am to blame for that. You will understand this more when you have your own kids. It says “failure” to me. Bummer. Now I need to clean up my mess. It would help if you would share ways that I can do that.
Maybe one day, it will get better. I certainly believe it will. For now, I am going to give you as much room as you want. I won’t reach out so much and will leave it to you to decide. I am not mad at you at all. I don’t think less of you for any reason. Just reach out to me when it’s right.
Try not to be offended at me or judge me. Please, please forgive me. It will go well for you, if you do. I know you understand this.
You remain the very son I am just so proud of. I really mean it. I am pleased with you. I love who you are – just as you are. I accept you. I am grateful for any minute I get with you.
I will try my best to make changes on my end and really listen to your heart. I will stop trying to fix you. You don’t need fixing. You need a father.
I love you, Jack.