O, my heart is troubled. I feel the stress and strain from all of this. Kelby and I messaged yesterday. he is contemplating CEO/Non-CEO and equity split. This troubles me because Goid gave me those specific things. If Kelby goes against these, what do I do?
i wont work under Kelby. That completely goes against what God said. On the equity split, I never got anythign on terms, so I imagine that if Kelby does, we should go with that.
Meanwhile, I must find a job. This searchining the Net blows. It produces so very little fruit. I cant get help from anyone here. I get sympathy, but no one wants to risk anything. This is anyting but 1st century Christianity. WHY?
I wish I could just let go of whatever it is that I hold on to. I dont even know what it is.
I am so lost in the area of control over circumstances. What am I doing wrong to cause these? That is the question that I ask. That satan asks… Laura is quick to answer this one. She knows everything that I do wrong. But, is there truth in it? Or, is it prideful to think that we can manipulate what God is doing? His pressure in circumstances molds us. All of the deep writers and folks from the past clearly point to the pain and suffering as the potter molding His clay. I believe that He has complete control and moves us in a way to burn the junk away.
Spirit of FIRE and LOVE, consume me.
It is amazing at how long this continues. It’s May. You can bet that there is no loving in that marriage. We turn 18. We wish it never happened. The relationship is none. We are anything but one. I know that I could be loving Laura better. Jesus would. So, I fail there. But, it is the overflow of His love where we love best. I need Him. Then, I can love her better.
O Lord, I need a job.
I need encouragement that God is in control of this, and that I am not.