I met with a bible study comprised of a bunch of pastors (yesterday). It was awesome.
One pastor prophesied over me:
1) dont PRESUME anything with God
2) one day at a time
3) its not what you think
I confess that I keep trying to figure God out. Father, forgive me. Your will in Your time.
My heart for unification continues to grow. The enemy has divided the church – a house divided cannot stand. We are all part of the body – how can we get all of the pieces seeing that and coming back together.
Unity in the church.
Nathan is coming to Nashville. This will be quite a time.
Laura is against counseling. She says that she isnt ready to open her heart to it. She is against Gary and Elvira cause they will point her to Scriptural truth and the bibles view of marriage. She told me that she knows what she is doing is sinful and simply wants God to forgive her.
Then, she says that she knows that this is what God wants her to do. I told her that if she says that this is of God, I wont stand in the way – not that I can anyway. But, God doesnt lead us into sin.
We had a good chat the other day. Neither of us feels loved. For me, she has an expectation of whom I am supposed to be. I have never measured up to that, so she has tried to change me all of our marriage. This has come across to me as I am not good enough for her to love. I am not worthy. And, she hasnt loved me.
On my side, I havent given of myself enough. She feels that its been all about me, and it probably has. Now, its all about God so its still not all about Laura.
Separation very well might be the best thing. I dont know where God is walking us to. But, I know that an unrepentant heart is deadly. laura will not repent. I dont want to be married to anyone who wont put God first.
God is working it. I have been wrong.
I met with Jerry and Larry today.
Jerry:
1) I must change
2) I need to cherish Laura
3) LOVE Her
4) Go get counseling
5) Get the job
6) Not sure on the pastor stuff
Larry:
1) He has been wrong on ministry
2) God is in everything, so do it.
3) Cherish the wife
4) Do whatever to make them feel loved.
5) They need to feel safe and secure. I have failed here miserably.
Lord, I repent. I am sorry. I confess that I have been deceived and not listened to You coming through Laura and the other people. Please forgive me! Give me the grace to change. I want to do what You want. Lov ing Laura is what You want. Help me! pelase Jesus, help me! I need to work! I will find the job. Help! I will do anything. Speak to me.
Thank You, Father,
Praise You
In Christ,
Amen