It’s been a prolongued, hard season. Maybe, it is self-inflicted. Maybe, it is the devil. Mabye, just maybe it’s God.
Been fighting heaviness and wanting to give it up. Jen and I got into a rut of strife. God delivered her. I had that dream about teaching young ones and a spirit of witchcraft was rising up. War.
I think I fight hope deferred. I walked in a special place with the LORD once, and now it seems so distant in the rear view. I live out of my past.
God has been saying to forget the former things. Forget the past. I dont know what that means. The prophetic words, dreams, etc are tools we use to fight the good fight.
I just feel like lying down. I drink too much even after the LORD delivered me last April. I have been really mad. My back hurts a lot. My lungs have wanted to be a mess. Body needs to line up with the word of the LORD.
I miss the presence of God. I have tried to run some. I definitely have been touched by Holy Spirit doing that. It is a touch. I will take it.
I am trying.
He who began a good work in me will complete it. Phil 1:6
The LORD woke me up at 4:07 this am to this song, “Beauty for Ashes”:
God of the new beginnings
God of the second chance
Your grace an endless river
Your love an avalanche
There in my darkest moment
All hope burnt to the ground
That’s where Your mercy found me
That’s when Your love came down
You turned my mourning into dancing
You turned my sorrow into praise
You give me beauty for ashes,
Beauty for ashes
You give me beauty for ashes,
Beauty for ashes.
Love met me in the ruins
Of all my past mistakes
Love walked me to the river
Love broke apart these chains
Love spoke a new tomorrow
Opened my eyes to see
Love washed away this sadness
Love came and rescued me
You turned my mourning into dancing
You turned my sorrow into praise
Oh You give me beauty for ashes, beauty for ashes
Oh I thank You, God
I’m overwhelmed by Your incredible love
You make everything new
Oh thank You, God
For all You’ve done and yet to do
Oh You make everything new
Isaiah 61:3
To grant those who mourn in Zion, Giving them a garland instead of ashes, The oil of gladness instead of mourning, The cloak of praise instead of a disheartened spirit. So they will be called oaks of righteousness, The planting of the Lord, that He may be glorified.
The Good News of Salvation
61 “The Spirit of the Lord God is upon Me,
Because the Lord has anointed Me
To preach good tidings to the poor;
He has sent Me to [a]heal the brokenhearted,
To proclaim liberty to the captives,
And the opening of the prison to those who are bound;
2 To proclaim the acceptable year of the Lord,
And the day of vengeance of our God;
To comfort all who mourn,
3 To [b]console those who mourn in Zion,
To give them beauty for ashes,
The oil of joy for mourning,
The garment of praise for the spirit of heaviness;
That they may be called trees of righteousness,
The planting of the Lord, that He may be glorified.”
4 And they shall rebuild the old ruins,
They shall raise up the former desolations,
And they shall repair the ruined cities,
The desolations of many generations.
5 Strangers shall stand and feed your flocks,
And the sons of the foreigner
Shall be your plowmen and your vinedressers.
6 But you shall be named the priests of the Lord,
They shall call you the servants of our God.
You shall eat the riches of the Gentiles,
And in their glory you shall boast.
7 Instead of your shame you shall have double honor,
And instead of confusion they shall rejoice in their portion.
Therefore in their land they shall possess double;
Everlasting joy shall be theirs.
8 “For I, the Lord, love justice;
I hate robbery [c]for burnt offering;
I will direct their work in truth,
And will make with them an everlasting covenant.
9 Their descendants shall be known among the Gentiles,
And their offspring among the people.
All who see them shall acknowledge them,
That they are the posterity whom the Lord has blessed.”
10 I will greatly rejoice in the Lord,
My soul shall be joyful in my God;
For He has clothed me with the garments of salvation,
He has covered me with the robe of righteousness,
As a bridegroom decks himself with ornaments,
And as a bride adorns herself with her jewels.
11 For as the earth brings forth its bud,
As the garden causes the things that are sown in it to spring forth,
So the Lord God will cause righteousness and praise to spring forth before all the nations.