Sometimes, the hard things are just hard.
I had lunch with my dad yesterday. It was hard. He had a good, direct word to say. What I got out of all of it – judgment and arrogance. “I’m up here, and youre down there.” Yikes! LORD, forgive me!!!
Now, I can defend it. And, that is the first step into the trap. Ha! Dad said to me that I couldnt see it. You cant see deception. Double Yikes! But, I have been around the block enough to recognize when someone else can.
I repented to the LORD. My family challenges me big time. I dont even know what to do or how to love them. I cannot withdraw. I cannot say anything – right, at least. Is that being a victim? Is that simply immaturity in knowing how to communicate? God help me.I just dont know how to communicate with them. The overbearing thing on religion came out with Summer in our counseling. So, I withdraw and dont talk about it with them. I then go to the LORD. I guess God wants me to deal with people.
I guess that doesnt work so well.
But, they dont want to discuss the spiritual dimension of it. Is that the point?
God, help me with this!
I want to love.
I dont want to hurt – me or others.
I dont want to judge.