I dont know whether to laugh or cry when I fast like this. The LORD knows what I need to deal with. So, He brings it. I have asked for purity for a long time. I believe that this fast is bringing that to me.
Day 1 – Very hard day. Nothing from the LORD that was discernible except, “rest.” I was at IHOP and fell asleep twice. Felt that God was telling me to be still.
Day 2 – Spoke with Jim Dinsmore in Ft. Collins. Am looking to fly out there at the end of January to talk to them about a new company and how I might fit in.
Had an ordeal at the bank and got mad at the manager. She was wrong, and I needed to be right. Why do we need to be right? Love covers. My love didnt cover. I called her a liar and hurt her feelings. I made a mess. Later that day, Holy Spirit pressed me on the issue. I fought a little and then drove back up to the bank and apologized to her. Was that a test or just a nod from God to go fix what I messed up.
Day 3 Snake Dream. Two snakes were coming at me. Neither struck me, but both chased me. I woke up and immediately had the thought to go have coffee with Jesus. So, I did.
Bill Durham mentioned that he thought I opened us up to the demonic realm and that was what the bear dreams were about. I didnt receive it.
Day 4 – I am thinking, wow, God isnt doing a thing in this fast. He has given me Matt 6:33-34 several times over the last few days on seeking His kingdom and His righteousness first and all things will be added after. I imagine that He has given it to me 4-5 times. Funny. So, I am like God, how do I seek Your kingdom and righteousness.
As I was running today, the LORD brought a strong conviction to clean up the mess with Shay. She is the lady who led Jordan’s small group. I checked her out in the wrong way over Christmas at the mall. I got really convicted when I did, and I told Laura about it. I thought that it was over. But, this Nazrite thing doesnt leave much room for error. It ws very clear that He wants me to cal her and restore to her the honor that I stole. Another mess to clean up. So, I emailed Laura and told her what the LORD was doing.
Incidentally, the wooden planks were iced over. I felt that the LORD was telling me that I am treading on thin ice here. The snakes and the bears are a warning. Go deal with this matter. So I am. But, the wooden cross ties are under the ice. There is grace for me. Just repent. I am!
Wow, these fasts!
Day 5 – Spoke with Laura about Shay. Now, I am not sure. She thinks it would make Shay uncomfortable to approach her. Man, I dont want to repeat the event with Jordan where I knew that God was wanting me to fast, and I kept breaking it. I asked folks, and they all said that it was ok. It wasnt. I had made a vow to God, and He wanted me to honor it. Their counsel was good, but there was something deeper going on.
So, I emailed Nate, and he said that I should honor Laura. She knows how this lady would feel. There is humility in approaching Laura with the whole event anyway. Wow, this is reminiscent. I dont know what to do. God, I do not ever want to disobey You. Never, ever. You know that. Oh, LORD. Hear me now. Please let me know what to do. This day, bring a confirming word.
Had another dream about camping. I think it was about camping. See other post. Snakes, falling, etc. Man, I dont have peace. For a fast, I feel a mess. Is this attack? What is going on? God! I am Yours. Save me!
Day 6 – Still wrestling with the thing on Shae. Laura and I met with Kelly O’Dell, Jordan’s small group leader. We had a great discussion on getting Kelly more integrated into Jordan’s life. I got woken up at 2am that night to pray about Jordan. Something is warring. Man, I want release for that girl. I call her into her destiny and decree that is is now coming forth. Devil, go!
We met with Jordan last night and made some big changes with her. We took her computer out of her room, stopped electronics use after 10pm and no more driving with friends. Jordan has gained weight during this fast. There is a lying spirit that we are against. Danielle might be a bad influence. We are watching her friends carefully.
Day 7 – Whew, I am hungry. Went to browns bridge with laura and Jack. Fire was around my right leg. I love the fire. Got pressed to call Shae. Am starting to think that it isnt God. Everytime I go to mess with it, I fall out of the spirit. I asked Laura to pray for me, and she did. I felt the icky feeling and urgency to call her go. Something is about this that I just dont understand. I wont call for now, maybe never.